To get people to give you huge amounts of cash, you need the pretense of legitimacy. Or better yet, Erik Prince, founder of Blackwater and now working for China.Ĥ. If everything else fails, seek out the son of a former British Prime Minister who is politically connected, massively rich, galactically stupid, and fancies himself a latter-day Lawrence of Arabia. They won’t check, so it’s alright.Īnother good bet are Big Oil companies, especially if you fabricate “third party” geological surveys indicating strategic-reserve levels of oil. List your strongman as an “implementing partner” with the highest respect for human rights. Be sure to mention “capacity building” using “holistic modalities” that establishes the “rule of law” to “counter violent extremism” and deny “terrorist safe havens” in your proposal. government might bankroll your private army, and USAID will throw money at anything. Unless you’ve got oodles of cash in unmarked bills lying around the chateau, you’re going to have to find someone else to pay for your king-making enterprise. Common leverage points include: hookers, cocaine mountains, tankards of favorite libations ( Chivas Regal for the English speakers and Hennessy XO for the French ones), chromed AK-47s, a supercar fleet, statues of himself, and excessive flattery to foster images of megalomaniacal grandeur.ģ. To make him dependent on you as the access agent, exploit his vulnerabilities. He will handle the recruitment of local talent and interrogation of sources, and will generally keep trains running on time. Taking over a small country can be exhausting work, so don’t do it alone. Although this rules out central Africa, most of the Middle East, and some of Asia, you’ll have a much more enjoyable war with beer, bathing, and babes.Ģ. To facilitate recreational activities, make certain your target country has a good brewery, beautiful beaches, and women sans veils.
The discerning mercenary looks for the following qualities in a potential selection: exploitable natural resources, corruptible and/or incompetent military, and at least one functional airstrip. Select a country that has been consigned to the trash heap of history, preferably one without strong regional allies. Here are some tips to be a professional coup maker.ġ. It’s boom time, boys! But why work for someone when you could be king? Countries are ripe for the plucking these days, from the Crimea to the Gambia to large swaths of the Middle East.
Mercenaries are back! After a three-century hiatus, sensible people are once again realizing that renting an army is cheaper than owning one: the United States in Iraq and Afghanistan, Putin in Ukraine and Syria, even Nigeria against Boko Haram.
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